So a friend asked me on Facebook how
I'm doing. And I had to think about it. I realize I really don't
know. Not in a bad way. This isn't depression or unhappiness, or
even a negative state, I just realized that my response to that
question is just a sort of neutrality.
It's not tranquility, or peacefulness.
It's not happiness or sadness, joy or pain, just in between
everything.
But at the same time, it's not the
dismissive apathy or boredom I've known in the past. I'm not
uncomfortable, not angry, not finding fault with everything. I'm
just sort of... here.
So then the question becomes, if one is
here, and here is neither a good place nor a bad one, should one move
on? And if so, how and to where?
But, you know, I think I'll let myself
stay here for awhile. This is a place that feels like maybe a respite
from having to push so hard just to keep going.
In my head there's a place I'd like to
live. It's set into a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, somewhere
on the Central or Southern Oregon Coast. In this mood, I'd like most
to sit, wrapped in a blanket, watching storms roll in over that
ocean. Not do anything, not think anything in particular, no music,
no background noise, just me and the storm, each of us drifting in
our own way.
Yeah, I think I'll see if I can stay
here, like this, for just a while. I like that.
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