There's something I learned in
diversion, many years ago, that still sticks with me. It is
something I see misunderstood and misapplied in every day life, and
something I still forget to distinguish.
Fault is an emotional response
associated with blame. And fault can be countered by excuse.
Responsibility is a recognition that consequences derive from
actions. Responsibility cannot be countered by an excuse.
Fault is concerned with the why of the
action, and implies that any action, with the right why behind it, is
acceptable. Responsibility does not offer that excuse, but neither
does it deny that reasons underlie that action. Two people, both
abused as children, may offer this childhood in defense of their
actions. But one person will say “I should be excused, because of
my childhood”. The other will say “I did what I did, because my
childhood led me to make this choice”.
The first person claims that we may be
considered entirely devoid of conscience and ethics simply because we
have had some experience, or lacked it. The second person claims
that there may be some reason in their life that they made this
choice, but they still made this choice, whether consciously or not.
The first person claims, ultimately,
that we do not make choices, but are programmed by our entire lives
to perform the actions we take. The second person claims that we
make choices in light of our past, our future and our present, but
that these choices still are ours, and not simply the product of the
forces acting on us.
The first person claims that we are not
people. The second one affirms that we are.
The next time you offer an excuse,
whether to yourself or to others, remember that an excuse may avoid
punishment, but it also eliminates the power to choose and to be a
person. I am still working hard to learn this and internalize it.
Maybe writing it down this way will help.
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