Ladies, I'm going to tell you a secret
(some of you guys, too). Men are afraid of commitment.
That's not the secret, the secret is
why, and this is critical for understanding the way that people in
the world around you behave in terms of commitment to another person.
For a woman, the core meaning of
commitment is “I will bear your children”. You may or may not
intend to actually have children, but that is the essence of
commitment from a woman's point of view. It is a fundamentally
positive statement, and ultimately something that a person is
supposed to want to do in order to continue our own line of genes.
For a man, the core meaning of
commitment is “I will die for you”. You've heard this in a
thousand power ballads, good and bad, and probably consider it a
truly romantic notion. Here's what it actually means.
When I'm walking you home one night,
and a six-foot meth head on his third day of binging comes out of the
alley with a bloody knife, I'm supposed to die slowly enough to give
you a good chance of getting away. Not only sacrifice my life for
you, without hesitation, but make sure that I do so in a manner which
is effective at keeping you alive.
That's what commitment is to a man. It
is the statement that you as the person to whom we are committing are
literally more important than we are. That your life is worth our
pain and suffering, our own personal deaths.
So remember that the next time you
accuse a man of being afraid of commitment. At its heart, it is an
entirely understandable fear, and overcoming it is a major step in
every man's life.
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